What’s happening to me?


It’s been over a month here in Bangalore, the IT hub of India and I am still not able to connect myself with this city. My family is all busy in this holy month of Ramadan and I am sitting here like a lonely soul. The fact is I am not quite use to loneliness and hence I am finding myself in an absolute home sick kind of situation. Eid is on Wednesday and I am just waiting for some miracle to happen which could land me to my home. Well, in this midst of sadness, I am quite excited about my first salary coming up with some extra benefits (which I don’t want to discuss) but still the joy of being with family is much higher than one’s first salary. I am neither a smoker nor a drinker and this habit of mine has left me quite annoying because I have got not a single company who thinks like me. Quite isolated in terms of ideology! What should I do? Where should I go? I have realized that I have become an extremely boring kind of person who does nothing but just sits and thinks about his future all the time. I am having no burdens on my shoulders but still I feel as if have so much weight on them. Maybe this is the time I need to take some bold steps ahead in my life. Wait a sec! This no way means I am starting to smoke or drink.  I am happy to be away from that part.  My goals, my ambitions off course boost me to stay active but somewhere I feel I am losing the grip. Be it the grip of spirituality or the grip of expressing. I am loosing it all and that’s not a good thing to lose. Is it? I have to do something about it and that too quickly. But what should I do? Only a handful of people know me and understand me but now they are all scattered. I am suffering from terrible mood swings these days.  The gap of happiness is widening and I don’t want my life to get wasted like this. I am not the part of culture I am living in right now. No matter how much you travel, how many cultures you be in, at the end you always want to come home. My journey has just started and home is far away.  Let’s see where my fate takes me.

Murtaza Alamshah